


Of Best Friends and Fake Boyfriends

by Lividian



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29188689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lividian/pseuds/Lividian
Summary: In which Sollux has a huge favor to ask of his best friend, and Karkat is being Karkat.------(Not really all that shippy, tbh. Maybe if you squint and think SolKat thoughts??)
Relationships: Sollux Captor/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally titled 'Business Proposition' in my fanfic folder. This was written in early 2016, I believe.
> 
> I KNOW I have a second part to this, bc I remember writing it, but I have no idea if it made it onto my hard drive before my old PC died. There's still so many untitled files I have to go through, so it may be one of those.
> 
> Anyway, here's my first contribution to the Homestuck fanfic community in almost 7 years.

"I want you to pretend to be my boyfriend until the end of the semester."

Karkat nearly choked on his grilled cheese sandwich, "Captor, what the _actual fuck_ did you just say to me?"

"Pretend to be my boyfriend for like... a month, just to get Ampora off my ass. I'll even pay you. Just help me out here? _Please?_ "

He stared across the diner table at Sollux, "Again, I emphasize, _what the actual fuck_. Why me? Can't you get Aradia or Feferi to do this fake relationship bullshit?"

Sollux sighed, "No, dumbass they're dating. As in, dating _each other_. And don't even bring up TZ or KN, either. You're the only person I know well enough for this to be convincing."

"Okay, say I joined in on this brilliant scheme," he paused to stuff the last of his sandwich into his mouth, "What do we do at the end of the month? Just stop fake-dating and fake break up? And then Eridan would be back to harassing you every fucking day."

"ED's transferring at the end of this semester, remember? And yeah, I guess we would just say we broke up or something, I dunno," Sollux heard Karkat hum in response as he picked up his strawberry milkshake. He stuck out his tongue, wondering how he could possibly stomach a grilled cheese and a milkshake. _Gross_. "Are you gonna help me or not?"

Karkat chewed at the end of his straw, leaning back against the booth seat. He narrowed his eyes, "What exactly does this fake dating bullshit entail?"

"Well, we obviously don't have to keep up the act when we're alone, but out in public I guess we just like, act couple-y or some shit. You're the so-called romance expert here, what do couples do in public?"

The shorter male groaned, rolling his eyes, " _Oh my fucking god-_ They hold hands, hug, kiss, that kind of stuff. You should know this. You've been in relationships before."

"More than you, might I add," Sollux smirked.

"Shut up or I am not helping you with _anything_ ever again."

"So... is that a yes?"

" _Fuck_ no."

The blonde frowned, stealing a fry from Karkat's plate.

"Don't get all pissy about it. First of all, if I do this, and that's a big _if_ , I am _not_ kissing you, Mr. I-have-braces-at-age-twenty. Second, you are so gonna owe me a hell of a lot more than cash. If I have to subject myself to pretending to be _your_ boyfriend, I expect to be treated like fucking royalty. Any fake dates better be worth my time or I _will_ fake break up with you in the most embarrassing and public way possible. _Do I make myself clear, Captor?_ ", he said, drinking the last of his milkshake.

"Yeah, sure," Sollux made a move to take another fry from Karkat's plate, but his hand was quickly swatted away.

"Are you really gonna talk to your fake-boyfriend like that?"

" _Oh my god_ ," he groaned, maybe dating Eridan for a month would have been easier.

" _So_ fucking rude. Is this how you treat your partners? No wonder they all broke up with you."

The blonde clenched his teeth in annoyance, "Shut _up_. God, I don't know why I even thought asking you was a good idea. If you're not going to do it, then just fucking say so."

"Ask me properly, and I _might_ say yes."

"I already asked you _twice_ , asshole-"

"No, I mean ask me out. Make it convincing."

"Ugh, whatever. KK, will you go out with me?"

"No, because that was horrible," Karkat set down his empty glass, pushed aside his plate, and reached across the table for Sollux's hand. He took a deep breath, his expression softening as he laced their fingers together, "Sollux, I've been meaning to tell you this, but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I've been in love with you for a long time, and I would be so happy if you would be my boyfriend," he held eye contact with the blonde for a few seconds before releasing his hand and leaning back in his seat. "See? It's not that hard to be fake-romantic."

Sollux snorted, taking a sip of his cherry soda, "That was so fucking cheesy. Was that straight out of one of your stupid romcoms?"

"Fuck you. Now you try it."

"No fucking way."

" _Yes fucking way,_ or no deal," he crossed his arms, staring expectantly at his friend across the table.

The blonde slid his dual colored glasses up into his hair and leaned in, arms resting on the table, "KK- _Karkat_ , you've been my best friend since middle school, but I've always wanted us to be more than that. Will you go out with me?" he gave his best impression of the look Karkat gave him earlier during his demonstration and hoped this would be up to his ridiculous expectations.

Karkat narrowed his dark eyes and hummed, "Good enough, I guess. Congratulations, Captor, you have yourself a new fake-boyfriend."

"Fucking _finally_ ," he leaned back, throwing his hands up dramatically.

"Now, be a good fake-boyfriend and pay for dinner. I have a test to study for," he stood from his seat, grabbing his laptop bag, "Love you, _honey_ , I'll see you tomorrow," Karkat gave him a mocking pat on the shoulder, and exited the diner.

Sollux sat in stunned silence for a moment before sighing. He turned to look out the window, watching as Karkat got into his car.

_This was going to be a really long month._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Sollux and Karkat's first day of acting like a couple, and Karkat decides to take the lead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found the 2nd part ＼(￣▽￣)／
> 
> I think this may be all I wrote for this v generic 'fake relationship' AU. I'll keep looking, and update this again if I find anything else. 
> 
> There was an actual date/time on this one, and since I remember writing these p close together, both parts of this were probably written around the end of 2016.

An hour before his alarm was set to go off, Sollux was roused from his sleep by the sound of things being moved around in his closet. He turned over, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. When his vision focused as much as it could without his glasses, the first thing he saw was Karkat looking through various articles of clothing in his closet. "KK, what the fuck are you doing?"

Karkat turned around, a couple of Sollux's shirts hanging over his left arm, "You want this shit to be convincing, so I'm taking one of your god-awful tshirts."

"Why?"

"I'm your fake boyfriend so I get to take your shirts. It's a thing. Watch a movie or read a book sometime you uncultured fuck."

"I do both of those things regularly. I just don't watch or read the trashy romance shit, unlike _someone_ ," he laughed quietly at the look Karkat shot him before continuing, "Also, good to know which position you're taking in this relationship," he smirked.

"The _fuck_ are you talking about?"

"You claim to be an expert in romance tropes. Who usually wears their partners clothes after those boring sex scenes?"

Karkat's eyes narrowed, "What are you getting at, Captor?"

"Oh, I just didn't think you'd so readily admit to being a bottom, is all," he grinned, watching as Karkat's mouth opened slightly, and his face turned redder than his obnoxious brother's sweater. That was all it took for Sollux too lose his composure and fall back into his pillows, laughing loudly. "Oh my god, your _face!_ "

" _Shut the hell up!_ Besides, you couldn't fit in my clothes if you fucking _tried_ , you tall freak."

"Yeah, and you're gonna drown in my sweatshirts, _shorty_."

The shorter male tossed a red shoe at the blonde, "I fucking hate you."

Sollux narrowly dodged taking a shoe to the face and sat up, still giggling like an idiot at Karkat's enraged expression, "Love you too, sweetheart," that earned him another shoe thrown in his direction.

"Fuck off."

"Okay, okay chill. I should be the one picking a shirt for you to wear," Sollux slid out of his red and blue sheets, walking over to the closet where Karkat was still holding on to a yellow sweatshirt and a black tshirt. "If you want this to appear authentic, then you need one of my favorite shirts. Not whatever the fuck you pulled out," he browsed his collection of tshirts for a moment before pulling out one and holding it up, "Here, wear this one."

Karkat rolled his eyes at the red and blue gaming convention shirt, "Why that one specifically?"

"Because it's from the first con we attended together."

"Fine," he took the shirt from Sollux and laid it over the other shirts already on his arm.

The blonde combed his fingers through his messy hair, "So, do I get to pick something of yours to wear?"

"What part of _'you can't fit in my clothes_ ', did you not understand?"

He pointed to the faded band shirt Karkat was wearing, "The shirt you're wearing now is my size. Just give me that one."

"Dumbass, I slept in this last night."

"Yes, _and?_ "

Karkat stuck out his tongue, "You are so fucking gross, but fine, whatever, _here-_ " he shoved the extra clothes into Sollux's arms and pulled his shirt over his head, further messing up his dark hair. He threw the shirt over the blonde's shoulder and put on the one that was picked out for him.

"Better?"

"Hmm," Sollux stepped back, tilting his head, "It'll do, I guess."

"Ugh. I'm going to get food. Be ready in an hour and a half," he took the shirts from Sollux and exited the room.

He sighed, pulling Karkat's still warm shirt off his shoulder, _today should be interesting_.

* * *

The fifteen minute drive from their apartment to the university campus was filled with the usual amount of bickering over who got to use the AUX cable, and where they should stop for coffee. And when they finally arrived at their destination, Sollux barely had enough time to close the passenger door before Karkat was pressed up against his side, his smaller hand lacing their fingers together and holding on with a firm, yet comfortable grip.

"Your hand is sweaty," Karkat said, wrinkling his nose.

"And yours feels like a fucking furnace. Seriously, do you have a fever or something?"

"Just be quiet and follow my lead on this. Terezi is usually outside the cafeteria building around this time, and she's gonna be our biggest challenge when it comes to convincing people we're dating. Everyone else will probably just take whatever bullshit we tell them."

Sure enough, Terezi was hanging around the entrance to the building, talking to Kanaya. "Fuck, she's with KN."

Karkat looked around, spotting a familiar striped scarf. "Eridan's here too. Good. You took theater classes in highschool, so you should be able to play along with this," he stopped walking, making sure they were in sight of Eridan, Terezi, and Kanaya. "You remember how to stage kiss, right?"

Sollux's blue and brown eyes widened, " _What?_ "

"I said I wasn't going to kiss you _for real_ , not that I wouldn't fake it. Get ready, they're already looking at us," Karkat reached up, placing his free hand on Sollux's shoulder.

He leaned in, hand resting on Karkat's cheek, and angled his head so that it would make it harder for everyone on their right to see what was actually going on. At the last moment, he pressed his thumb over Karkat's lips, so they wouldn't actually kiss, and let his eyes fall shut. He held them together for a few seconds, feeling the hand on his shoulder slowly slide up into his hair.

_Wow, Karkat was really trying to sell this._

When they pulled away, Karkat smiled sweetly, "I'll see you at lunch?"

He smiled back, "Yeah. Go ace that English exam."

"Oh, I will," dark brown eyes flicked over to their audience for a moment, "Love you," he said, just loud enough that he knew at least Terezi and Kanaya heard him.

 _Damn, all those romcoms had taught him a thing or two, after all._ "Love you too, KK."

Karkat backed away from him, letting their hands pull away from each other. He smiled one last time, turning away to walk the rest of the way to his class.

Sollux glanced over at Eridan, who had been leaning against a wall. The look on his face said he saw most, if not all, of their act.

 _Oh, we've so got this_ , he thought as he began walking to his programming class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The shirt Sollux gave to Karkat is based on a real shirt that I own. (If you wanna see it, send me an ask on Tumblr and I'll post a pic lmao)
> 
> Thank you for reading!! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)
> 
> Tumblr: lividian-of-viridian

**Author's Note:**

> All of the people who come to me for Nameless/OriginalShipping content are probably really confused rn lmaooo.
> 
> Sollux having braces at 20 was a reference to a joke my friend used to make about me probably keeping my braces until I was in my 20s. Jokes on him tho I had them removed a few months before my 20th birthday lmao.
> 
> And Karkat having a grilled cheese with fries and a strawberry milkshake was me calling myself out for consuming what was probably the worst food combo ever. I was... so sick.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you you enjoyed this. (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) 
> 
> Tumblr: lividian-of-viridian


End file.
